I’m sewing now
When you're in the grip of an eating disorder (ED), it can feel like your entire life is consumed by thoughts of food, exercise, and planning. There’s no room for anything else—no space for hobbies, fun, or even meaningful relationships. The mental bandwidth required to uphold food rules and rituals leaves little room for anything else. It may feel like every waking moment is filled with calorie counting, meal planning, and exercise schedules, leaving you exhausted and isolated.
For years, my life was centered around these thoughts. I was always thinking about my next meal or workout, constantly strategising how to maintain control over my body. It wasn’t just my relationship with food that suffered—my relationships with friends, family, and even myself took a backseat to the relentless pursuit of control.
But discovering food freedom has changed everything.
Opening Up Space for Life
When I began my journey toward food freedom, it felt like the walls that had been closing in on me started to widen. With each step toward intuitive eating and letting go of diet culture, I created more space in my life for the things that truly matter—things that had been pushed aside for far too long.
One of the most profound changes has been the room I’ve found for meaningful relationships. Without the constant preoccupation with food and exercise, I’ve been able to be more present with the people I care about. I can enjoy a meal with friends without mentally calculating the calories. I can laugh and connect without the weight of guilt and shame hanging over me. These relationships have become richer and more fulfilling because I’m no longer distracted by the noise of my eating disorder.
Food freedom has also allowed me to rediscover hobbies and interests that had been buried under the relentless focus on food and exercise. I’ve found joy in activities that have nothing to do with my body or what I’m eating, sewing, reading, baking and cooking. These moments of fun and enjoyment have brought balance back into my life.
Health Behaviors: Still Important, But in a Flexible Way
Letting go of my eating disorder doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned health. In fact, my health behaviors have become more sustainable and enjoyable now that they’re not tied to rigid rules. I still care about nourishing my body and staying active, but I do so in a way that’s flexible and kind.
Instead of forcing myself through grueling workouts because I feel like I “have to,” I now move my body in ways that feel good and bring me joy. Sometimes that means a sweaty workout, and other times it means a gentle walk in nature or simply resting. My relationship with exercise has shifted from punishment to self-care.
When it comes to food, I no longer restrict myself to a narrow list of “approved” foods. I eat in a way that honors both my health and my cravings, without judgment. Health is still important to me, but it’s no longer all-consuming. I’ve learned that taking care of myself can be done in a way that’s nourishing, balanced, and, most importantly, flexible.
Finding Freedom
The journey to food freedom has opened up my life in ways I never imagined. I have space for the things that matter—meaningful relationships, self-care, fun, and hobbies. My health behaviors are still part of my life, but they no longer dictate every decision I make. Instead of being controlled by my eating disorder, I’m now in control of my own life.
If you’re feeling trapped by an eating disorder, know that there is hope. Food freedom is possible, and it can open up space in your life for the things that truly matter. Take it one step at a time, and remember that you deserve a life filled with joy, connection, and freedom.
Be Kind to yourself,
M x
